The World According To Davenelli

Out with the old, in with the new

2009-04-06T13:41:00.003+01:00

Today is the (un)Official Paul Haig Day…..and to mark the occasion I have elected to resurrect the blog and make two posts and for the first time ever post some MP3s for you enjoyment.

Can I have a woo and a hoo! Please?

Whilst contractually this might cause me problems with one of my employers I thought it was worth the risk.

If you’ve come simply to enjoy the work of Mr. Haig then scroll down to the next post.

I did initially try to combine these posts into one but in the end this simply detracted from the overall value of the enterprise.

The world of blog is littered with hundreds of excellent music sites covering just about every possible genre you could think of. Each of these sites share one thing in common……passion. A passion for the subject matter they cover. Whether obscure sixties show tunes, Bollywood hits, or the latest indie darlings the writers display a sensitivity enthusiasm and insight towards their subject matter than can often be lacking in the mainstream press.

Personally my CD collection now has discs by Arcade Fire, The Eames Era, Vandeveer, These United States and various other fantastic bands that I might not have found were it not for the sterling work these people produce on a daily basis.

I salute and applaud these efforts on two levels, firstly as a music fan but secondly as a shareholder in an independent label.

Whilst the Major labels cling to their outdated business model and struggle to adapt to the world of digital download the majority of the independents have embraced the advances of technology. Many of these smaller labels, like my own, now have dozens of bloggers that they forward advance copies of future releases to in an attempt to garner some publicity which in turn will hopefully drive sales. By allowing bloggers to post tracks in advance of their release we are aware that sales may be reduced but feel that the longer term benefits of doing so outweigh the short term loss.

In contrast the major players seem to prefer to hide behind legislation and fire off threats of litigation to protect the copyright of their artists body of work. The net result is that fantastic bloggers like The Vinyl Villain get to the point where their inbox is groaning under the weight of DMCA notices and they begin to question if it is worth carrying on.

To VV and everyone out there writing about music……it is. Contrary to what the DMCA people believe Blogging didn’t kill the radio star and the Buggles were off the mark too because video didn’t either.

In a show of solidarity I’ve posted this little release for you. It’s the first single from The Strike Nineteens, released by one of the labels I’m involved with and came out in January this year. Sit back, relax and have a listen. I hope you enjoy it and would be delighted to receive your comments….good, or bad.

The Strike Nineteens - Delicate

All hail the man they call Haig.

2009-04-06T13:36:00.003+01:00

Ok here goes…..whilst I am no authority on the life and times of Paul Haig I do appear to own too many of his releases for it to be a coincidence so it must be fate. As such I am delighted to add my tuppence worth to the first (un)Official Paul Haig day and salute his support of the music blogging world.

Paul came to prominence at the tail end of the 70’s fronting Edinburgh new wave outfit Josef K. In keeping with a band named after a character from a Kafka novel they produced a string of intelligent guitar pop classics for the coolest label in town, Glasgow’s very own Postcard. As with all things Postcard around the beginning of the 80’s this ensured they were feted by the music press but ultimately failed to translate this adulation into commercial success. Whilst label mates Orange Juice & Aztec Camera moved on to major label success (of varying degrees) Josef K. departed the scene in 1982 after one album. Who said punk rock was dead?

Switching from guitar led tracks to all out embracing of the synth records were released throughout the 80s on a variety of labels without the elusive “hit”. He didn’t really come to my attention until 1988 when the majestic Heaven Help You Now single was re-released and found its way into my collection.

This prompted me to spend more time than was healthy browsing second hand record stalls for other Haig releases and resulted in a copy of the 1983 Rhythm Of Life album being filed away in the Davenelli collection. In addition to working backwards through his catalogue I also looked forward and snapped up Flight X and the album Coincidence v. Fate in the early nineties.

The 90s closed for Paul with the album Memory Palace finally seeing the light of day. This was a dramatic collection of songs recorded with another Scottish maverick, the late great Billy MacKenzie.

Paul Haig continues to write, record and release music to this day and is undoubtedly something of a national treasure and the coolest man ever to hail from Edinburgh.

Paul Haig - Born Innocence

Death Or Glory

2008-08-02T02:57:00.003+01:00

Icarus

Visionary or just a crazy mixed up kid?

We’d all love to fly but how many are prepared to take the necessary risks?

Too few I say.

Life is a game and you only get one shot. That’s the beauty of it.

I suppose that’s also what keeps many of us from taking the gambles required to be all we can be.

Rather than aim for the sky we accept the mediocrity of the hand being dealt without trying to improve the odds.

Don’t do it.

As I near my forth decade I understand fear and no longer shy away from it. I've seen and felt far too much to worry anymore.

I’ve taken some risks, perhaps more than would be considered sensible, but as my old dad used to say “you can’t win the raffle if you don’t buy a ticket”.

Sometimes it is more exhilarating to twist instead of playing safe and sticking.

Why not try it next time?

I Don’t Fear (I’m Not Alone)

2008-03-10T09:11:00.002Z

Of all the feelings one encounters in life; fear is perhaps the most transient, which makes it all the more illogical.

As a child I feared many things…

The dark
Imaginary monsters in the closet
My parents

As I reached my teens my fears altered.

By this time my main fear was not getting good grades and wondering what to do with my life but rather being spurned by my peer group. My consciousness was enveloped by making sure I had the right sneakers, liked the right bands, and had the correct brand of jeans.

And obviously I still feared my parents.

By my twenties they shifted once again.

Now I was concerned with finding the right apartment, job and lover and making sure my friends could be relied upon.

And I still feared my parents.

As I hit 30 I found myself without parents and separated from my siblings by geography.

It was shortly after this time that I reached an epiphany. I realised that there was no point in worrying anymore and that a life lived in fear was a life not lived at all.

So I sit here today having:

Tendered my resignation,
Signed the new contract,
Packed the trunks,
Booked the plane tickets,
Obtained the necessary visa.

I know I should be scared, after all this city is the only place I have lived as an adult. I am destined for a country that I haven’t even visited never mind lived in. But none of this matters as instead of fear I feel only elation. I feel fresh, sparkling and ready for the new challenges that undoubtedly lie ahead.

Hope And Despair

2008-03-03T01:35:00.003Z

Ok I don't usually do this kind of stuff but you all know I love music and few bands have had as much of an impact on my life as the marvellous Orange Juice...so here goes.

Vinyl Villain (VV) has cooked up a new little wheeze which I like and feel is more than worthy of support and appreciation.

For those who don't know. Orange Juice were an early 80's band who signed to the seminal Postcard label run by Alan Horne. Fronted by the fopp like Edwyn Collins the band went on to enjoy a modicum of success on the Polydor label which peaked (sales wise) with Rip It Up hitting the top 10. Anyway...fast forward 25 years and the impact they had on the music scene is still very apparent. Sadly though time has made it considerably more difficult (and affordable) to track down some of their rarer releases and this is where VV comes in.

In a bid to raise much needed funds for the charitable trust (Quarriers) who care for his godson he has decided to make his entire vault of Orange Juice rarities available for a bargain price with the proceeds being passed directly to Quarriers.

Full details of the offer and a full listing of the tracks available can be viewed at his place...

http://www.thevinylvillain.blogspot.com/

Whilst further information about the work of Quarriers can be obtained here...

http://www.quarriers.org.uk/

Bad Case Of Loving You

2008-02-06T00:52:00.000Z

I simply could not ignore this story and let it pass by without comment as it raises a number of moral questions.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7228325.stm

To save you the trouble of reading the story here are the (ahem) highlights...

A young model (18) is stabbed to death outside her home following a night out. After an extensive police investigation a man is charged and put on trail for the crime. He enters a plea of Not Guilty and the case begins.

Faced with significant DNA evidence from the prosecution the defendant explains this away by confessing to having sex with the young woman after finding her corpse simply saying that he had "taken advantage of the situation"

Now it might be me but can anyone else spot something wholly wrong with this picture? By my calculations the defendant obviously believes that murder is wrong whilst necrophilia is socially acceptable.

The world truly has gone to shite.

Pissing In The Wind

2008-01-21T17:13:00.000Z

Just had to share this with you....it seems that my ability to irritate remains intact. I received the following comments today about a post dating from around 18 months ago. Sadly the "writer" of the comments did not feel the need to leave their details and chose to publish them anonymously. Hohum! As for being medicore....I've been called worse. If only this had been my 419th post the circle would have been complete.

"Your comments here really do leave much to be desired. A writer who is worth his onions does excellent research,am afraid what i have found here is really nothing more than mediocrity. It's such a shame i found this crap out two years after the global xchange http://irritationsoflife.blogspot.com/2006/08/alanis-morrisette-would-be-proud.html. Your comments about Nigeria defeats the very essence and reason for the exchange. This is not about Nigerians bringing physical aid to Scotland, it's about working in various capacities to understand the challenges and shortcomings of the human person; be it in Scotland or in Abuja, and channelling some energy and positive learning into making lives better. Nigeria might be poverty stricken like you so delightfully pointed out, but what's more, it doesn't have as much homelessness, alcoholism and drug addiction that is quite rampant in Scotland, particularly Glasgow, neither does it have your high incidence of knife crimes which Glasgow has since become renowned for. Scotland is the HIV capital of the UK isn't it? But you know the best part of this whole issue? Nigeria stood up to the English and took back it's nationhood. Remind me, isn't Scotland still at the disposal of the English? Aren't you still a colony? Oh and just incase you are getting all riled up, Holyrood is a sham and a joke; England's indulgence.I rest my case."

You know there was a time when I would have responded in kind and entered into a mud slinging competition. However, the knowledge that Glasgow is currently preparing to welcome the Commonwealth Games in 2014 whilst Abuja is not will do for me.

Certain People I Know

2008-01-15T22:41:00.001Z

There are billions of people in the world.
In our lifetime we will meet but a tiny fraction of them.
Occasionally we will encounter someone quite unlike our self.
Someone markedly different in a number of ways.
They will most probably be healthier, cheerier and altogether happier than you or I.
They will generally remain positive regardless of the trials and tribulations their life throws at them.
They seem to glide along without friction.
By being this way they enrich the lives of those around them.

Should you be fortunate enough to meet one of these incredible individuals….do not fear them.
Befriend them and treasure them, for they are rare.

This post was inspired by the words of Charles Bukowski and the actions of a certain person I know and whose friendship I cherish.

A Christmas Cracker

2007-12-24T14:44:00.000Z

As my regular reader may have noticed I'm not around here too much these days....there are two very good reasons for this.

Regular paid writing work takes up too much time
My anger with the world is generally kept in check by reason 1.

Anyway as it's Christmas time I thought why not....

Right Christians here we go....

The figures from the last census showed that 11% of the UK population regularly attend church whilst 16% of the population are left handed.

Where's this going I hear you ask...well sit tight and I'll tell you.

Given these figures why do the TV news programmes persist in obtaining soundbites from the Clergy about the issues and stories of the day?

Why don't they seek out my opinion? after all as a leftie I can claim to represent a larger portion of the population than they can....

Just a thought!

Anyhoo....enjoy the festive season.

Filmstar

2007-10-28T10:09:00.000Z

Right here's something else I don't understand....

You are at a gig seeing a great band rock the house....WTF do you spend the evening staring at the screen on your mobile phone as you try and "capture the moment"?

Whilst mobile phone technology has advanced greatly over the years all you are achieving is a piss-poor quality momento of the show. Trust me your friends will not be impressed and You Tube does not need any more shite posted on to it.

Money...That's What I Want

2007-09-16T21:51:00.000+01:00

Value wiped off the share price in the last few days = 33%

Estimated withdrawls following recent run on the bank = £2bn

Current assests = £113bn

The look on the tellers face when I visit the branch and ask to OPEN an account = Priceless

A Passing Thought

2007-09-16T11:00:00.000+01:00

What if The Hokey Cokey really is what IT's all about?

Blue Monday

2007-08-13T00:49:00.001+01:00

Proof once again, if any were needed, that there is no justice in the world.

As I read of the sad death of music mogul and professional Manc Anthony H (Tony) Wilson I started to consider other music figures we had lost and those that survive them.

Consider this…

Elvis is dead yet Cliff Richard continues to make records.
Joe Strummer passed away while Elton John lives.
John Lennon is gunned down on his doorstep whilst Paul McCartney wins GQ Man Of The Year 2006.
John Peel died whilst Steve Wright has an afternoon show on Radio 2.
And now the world loses the founder of the seminal Factory Records yet Simon Cowell continues his relentless bid for world domination.

So farewell then Tony you not only “lived the dream” but you convinced others to follow your lead. With Factory and The Hacienda you changed the face of music in The UK.

The world bids farewell to another maverick…we have so few left now.

I think it would be fitting leave with a line from one of the many excellent Factory releases that provided the soundtrack of my youth. So as Electronic sang on Disappointed

At the back of my mind,
I believe what you said,
Dream…

Sex Crime (1984)

2007-08-06T01:58:00.000+01:00

As another high profile celebrity, Chris Langham, is convicted of offences against children my mind drifted back to a previous case involving Pete Townsend of The Who.

I recall that in his defence Mr Townsend claimed that his credit card details turned up on a child pornography website due to research he was doing to assist the writing of his autobiography. Now this took place in 2002 and to my knowledge we are still awaiting publication of said book. Either Mr. Townsend is a slow writer or publishers have shown no interest in the manuscript. It couldn’t be anything else now could it?

Whilst I’m discussing celebrity crimes of a sexual nature my favourite is the case of Paul Reubens aka Pee Wee Herman who was caught having a wank whilst “enjoying” a movie in an adult cinema. WTF else would he be doing there? It’s not like you watch a porn movie to marvel at the acting, the dialogue or even the soundtrack.

Ca Plane Pour Moi...

2007-07-29T02:09:00.000+01:00

...as well as being the title to the greatest single ever released I have now decided to embrace Plastic Bertrand's call to arms as my motto.

For those not in the know there is no precise translation of this phrase although "This Life's For Me" is not too far off the mark.

It is time to get off my arse, stop feeling sorry for myself and "do stuff" what is not hugely important, just do it as a certain sportswear firm would say.

Stop living in fear and embrace the moment. That's the new me.

If you are not familiar with the song hop over here and be educated...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Km2qrc9nqCg&mode=related&search=

Icarus Landing

2007-07-26T03:42:00.000+01:00

Finally it has arrived.

Those skeletons that we all have in our closets cannot stay hidden for ever…no matter how hard we try. You can run but you cannot hide and someday when you least expect it you will fly too close to the sun and, like Icarus before you, come crashing back to earth. Only then will the grim reality of life and what you’ve tried to leave behind begin to make sense.

The cause of the worry at the back of my mind has been gnawing away at me for around ten years. I don’t remember the last time I was asleep long enough to dream.

Today it revealed itself and proved to be more horrific than I had feared.

I have always known that this moment was inevitable but somehow that does not make it any more palatable. Strangely though I feel energised by the thought of what may unfold in the coming days and weeks.

How Wrong Can You Be?

2007-07-04T00:18:00.000+01:00

News has just reached Davenelli Towers that Strathclyde Police have released a statement denying any terrorist attack at Glasgow Airport.

According to sources the incident arose as a direct result of Nikki Lauda being late for check in.

This statement has been confirmed by John Smeaton.

Working Class Hero

2007-07-02T13:58:00.001+01:00

John Smeaton....we salute you.

http://www.johnsmeaton.com/

Generation Terrorists

2007-07-02T00:26:00.000+01:00

Two men steal a Jeep Cherokee, fill it with explosive matter and drive it into the front of the main terminal building at Glasgow Airport in a totally inept attempt at suicide bombing.

All they managed to do was start a little fire and burn themselves...what a pair of wankers.

Any eight year old kid in Glasgow can steal cars and raise fires.

Look fuckers...have you not heard about the internet? Trust me you can "Google" just about anything you want including bomb making techniques.

Forget al-Qaeda...this pair were about as scary as Al Gore.

Shit I smoke...I've more chance of killing myself than being taken out by dumb fucks like them.

And A Bang On The Ear

2007-07-01T18:50:00.000+01:00

Terrorism comes to Glasgow.

Fantastic…only in this city would we get the dumb ass terrorists that can’t even pass Terrorism 101.

A Jeep Cherokee is driven into the front of the airport terminal and bursts into flames…the bomb inside fails to detonate and one of the idiots in the car catches fire and promptly leaps from the vehicle only to be twatted by a native.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/6257194.stm

Stupid fucks…don’ these people realise that we lived through the IRA bombing campaign?

Do they really think this shit will scare your average Glasweigan?

If they do they are as good at gauging the local psyche as they are at planting car bombs.

My Humps

2007-05-16T00:36:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly pissed off by....

False morality and those who wish to impose theirs on me
Societys victims...and those who want to be.
Fake sentiment
People who ask you to fulfil a task for them and never bother to thank you, use your work or have the balls to tell you it's not quite what they were looking for.
Politics, politicians and the art of spin.
Hypocrisy in its many forms.

But mainly I am confused that on the one hand we are told that we live in a multi-cultural society and we should embrace the traditions and customs of each other....the next we are told that actually we've changed our minds and can you just take off that head scarf?

Cards on the table now boys...which is it to be?

I intend to explore each of these themes in the weeks ahead. So stay tuned.

Working For The Yankee Dollar

2007-05-14T19:18:00.000+01:00

Just finished reading the Sunday paper....yes I know it's Monday but I've been busy.

Anyhoo...as usual I left the Business Section until last (one of the advantages of not working on a Monday...I don't have to be up to speed on this stuff until Tuesday morning).

At the back of the Business Section is the Sits Vac. Now having been in continuous employment with my current employer for about a decade I am not especially looking to move but I always like to see what's out there.

I sumbled across an advert for a Trainee Manager...not the kind of position I'd gor for but I read on anyway only to discover that this Trainee was expected to have two years experience. What the fuck is that all about?

How can you be a trainee with two years experience? Did I miss a meeting?

The Ugly Truth

2007-05-14T03:34:00.000+01:00

You know I do expect to get hate mail about this one but I've previously posted about Israeli foreign policy so....

Anyhoo...I feel that this has to be said and I've bitten my tongue for too long.

When is wilful neglect not considered to be neglect?

This is the question that has been on my mind for more than a week now.

The answer appears to be when the parents involved are middle class “educated” people.

Now to me this stinks of double standards…

Let’s look at the evidence…

A couple on holiday lock their sleeping pre-school children in their home and leave to enjoy a meal in a nearby restaurant.

The eldest of the children is subsequently abducted.

Some would say that is a tragedy….I say it’s a fucking outrage.

That child relied upon those parents to care for it and keep it safe yet the press seems to have overlooked this. Instead they prefer to concentrate on the social status enjoyed by the parents and present a sympathetic front.

Now let’s for a moment pretend that rather than being professional people the parents were in receipt of welfare payments and were visiting a run down resort on a bargain break to enjoy some sun, sea and cheap booze….can you just imagine the outcry that would have caused?

Newspaper editorials would have been baying for blood and demanding that the couples other children immediately be taken in to care, that the mother be sterilised, their welfare payments stopped etc….The couple would have been crucified.

Instead of this justified outrage what do we get???

An endless stream of the great and the good lining up to send some words of sympathy to the parents in front of any TV crew that will stick a camera & a boom mike in their face. And later throwing a wedge of cash into the reward fund which now tops £2.5m.

I would like to make it clear that I truly hope the little girl is found safe and well as in all of this she is the one character who does deserve our sympathy.

As an innocent child it must be truly horrific to be let down so badly by the two people you love and trust most.

Unwahsed And Somewhat Slightly Dazed

2007-04-22T12:13:00.000+01:00

So I arranged to meet my friends at the comedy club. This one takes place a couple of nights a week in the basement of a city centre bar. Being my usual tawdry self I arrive last. As the show has already started I silently take a seat at the table and nod hello to my friends.

The comedian is ok but nothing special although he does manage to raise a smile or two. Finally the compare arrives and winds up the first half of the show. At last I can get a drink.

My penance for arriving late is that it is my round at the bar.

Having established who is drinking what I rise from my seat and approach the bar only to encounter the most amusing thing of the evening

Stationed behind the bar was quite possible the fattest woman I have ever seen….she was fat and I mean like Orka fat. Whilst I generally don’t laugh at fat people I have to make an exception in this case as splashed right across her chest it read

GAP Athletic.

If only she was….

I Don't Care

2007-04-02T10:03:00.000+01:00

I know I promised I would be back...and here I am.

Just opened my mail this morning and amongst the usual credit card offers, book club invitations and bills I received a letter from a friend. Now being a traditional sort of chap I always enjoy the thrill of good old fashioned written correspondence.

But sadly not this one. Why's that Dave? I hear you ask.

Well pull up a chair and I'll tell you.

I have friends spread far and wide across the world...in many different countries and continents. In the USA, Egypt, Spain, Belgium and France to name but a few. This letter however eminated from much closer to home...a hundred or so miles to be precise.

Now as this friend lives so close I see them every month or so...not the 18/24 months as is the case with some of my friends.

Anyhoo...for some inexplicable reason this friend decided to enclose a photograph of his children with the letter.

Why do parents do this? Are people really that proud of the fact that they have managed to have sex once or twice in their life? Do they really think anyone give a rat's arse? And whilst to the parent their child/ren are the most beautiful in the world...to the rest of us they are fucking ugly.

Please remember that I am a hetrosexual male here...Why on earth does he think I give a fuck about his offspring?...Christ! I struggle to maintain interest in my own most days....This is not to suggest that I dislike my own children...I honestly don't.

It's more a case of failing to see the usefulness of progeny. Since child labour laws were introduced stopping them from being sent up chimneys they are no longer as profitable as they once were. Indeed children could be considered nothing more than a drain on ones time, energy and finances these days. Although should I ever need blood or a kidney....

In saying all of this please remember that your children will choose your nursing home so be good to them.

Dead Leaves & The Dirty Ground

2007-03-26T22:41:00.000+01:00

Well spring has sprung and the clocks have changed and finally I my get up and go seems to have returned...after several months of moping around feeling sorry for myself I seems to have my taste for living back.

I spent the afternoon sitting on a bench in the Botanic Gardens enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face and just watching the world pass by...a simple pleasure I know, but a pleasure none the less.

Anyway my restored enthusiasm can mean only one thing...yip! new postings and a wealth of shite for you to wade through.

Friend Or Foe?

2007-02-11T23:56:00.000Z

Just a quick post which I hope you can help me with.

As I said I’m currently moonlighting elsewhere doing paid writing work. Part of this has involved utilising myspace. This is where my query comes from.

I initially joined myspace as I wished to leave a message on the page of an acquaintance and unlike blogger there was no facility to do this anonymously so sign up I did.

I then quickly realised that my profile looked bad as I have no friends other than Tom and everyone gets him so it doesn’t count. An hour or so later I managed to round up some people that I knew and added them to my profile. Confident that my work was done I retired to the sofa for a coffee and a cigarette.

A couple of days later I logged on again to discover that people were now requesting that I be their friend. Now this was interesting, especially as they were all record labels/artists. One or two were known to me, some were not.

Anyway….what I want to know is….what is the etiquette for this?

If a band ask to be your friend and you think they are awful should you accept their offer of friendship regardless or is it appropriate to decline and point out their shortcomings?

I really would appreciate your thoughts on this one as it is preying on my mind and everyday that passes sees more requests appear some of which really suck.

If you care, which I doubt, my page can be found at

http://www.myspace.com/davenelli

I'm Still Around

2007-01-25T02:14:00.000Z

I'm not crazy I've just been lured away to do some proper writing for a short time.

As you've got here you may as well make yourself at home. There's beer in the fridge and older posts in my archive.

I'll be back soon...I promise.

Don't Ask Me

2007-01-14T01:03:00.000Z

Is it possible to fall in love with a photograph? A mere image of what may or may not be an ideal?

What do you do?

Do you chase the dream or keep your feet on the ground?

Am I simply trying to create some excitement to lift the January blues?

Why am I asking you?

Flight X

2007-01-08T18:23:00.000Z

As a younger man I did a fair bit of travelling.

I once found myself in Helsinki airport with five hours to kill before my flight. Now as anyone who has spent time in one will testify airports are routinely dull places in which to kill time. Add to this that I had finished the book I was reading on an earlier flight and the batteries on my walkman had died and things were looking rather grim. I therefore decided that my options were

1. Retire to the bar to drink beer and smoke cigarettes
2. Go and find a place to eat
3. Visit the duty free shop
4. Go and explore

Each option was considered in turn with my thinking being…

1. Five hours in an airport bar = drunk passenger and the possibility of being declined access to my flight thus necessitating an overnight stay and the purchase of a new ticket the following morning. Risky and expensive.
2. Airport food is generally shite and prohibitively expensive so this was quickly ruled out
3. As I was already carrying the maximum permitted allowance of cigarettes and I don’t wear aftershave or have anyone to buy perfume for this one was also ruled out.
4. This seemed the cheapest option and who knows what may turn up…

How prophetic this thought turned out to be. After navigating my way around the corridors and concourses past restrooms and prayer rooms I found myself in front of a door labelled sauna/massage parlour. Being rather younger and a little naïve I immediately concluded that Finland was a crazier country than I thought. After all at home sauna/massage parlour is a euphemism for brothel which means that the “masseuse” would clearly offer “extras”.

Confused and somewhat intrigued by this state of events I elected to retire to the bar and ponder this quandary. After a couple of glasses of the local brew (Lappin Kulta) I decided to retrace my steps and pay the masseuse a visit purely in the interests of research you understand. It was my intention to play the ignorance card if things got out of hand (or should that be if things got taken IN hand?)

After sheepishly knocking the door I was greeted by a stunning Norse maiden who clearly was no crack whore. In perfect English she beckoned me in and enquired as to my needs. After staring at her blankly for what felt like an age she took pity on me and listed the services available. I elected to have the “house special”.

I emerged about an hour later exhausted but felling like a $1,000,000.

I am delighted to report that nothing untoward occurred. After a relaxing steam in the sauna the young lady showed me to a table where I lay down and allowed her to knock seven shades of shite out of me for thirty minutes before relieving me of nothing more than a few foreign notes.

We Let The Stars Go

2007-01-01T13:19:00.000Z

I'm using an old Pentium laptop and a 56k dial up connection so I'll be brief.

Headed north to the Highlands of Scotland to celebrate Hogmanay (New Year's Eve) with friends.

Having a great time but something happened last night which I wanted to share.

I popped outside onto the balcony around 11pm for a cigarette. It was a beautifully clear night with an almost full moon in the sky. From the balcony I had a spectacular moonlit view right down the Glen (valley for those unfamiliar with Scotland). For a city boy this was quite spectacular. But then I looked upwards and for the first time in years I saw stars. I don't mean I looked at the stars, I mean I actually saw some.

Now this probably means nothing to you but to me it made me realise how much I take things for granted.

Anyhoo...I'll provide some proper updates in the next couple of days. In the meantime I'd like to wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year and may 2007 be the year your dreams are fulfilled.

Stranger In Paradise

2006-12-25T00:47:00.000Z

It is Christmas Day 1999 and having just enjoyed a shower I find myself in a bathrobe on my hotel balcony in India sipping a large gin & tonic.

Why India? Well I’m still unsure as to why I have just quit my job and landed here but what the fuck!.

The western world is in the grip of Y2K paranoia and here I am in this idyllic paradise far away from the fear and stress secure in the knowledge that if it does all go wrong I will enjoy much less of an impact here than at home. From my balcony all I can see is palm trees and the Arabian Sea. It is around 6pm and as I watch the beautiful sunset I think of home.

Around this time I figure it may be an opportune moment to call home and wish those I left behind a Merry Christmas. I retrieve my cell phone from the dressing table and call my sister’s number. Three rings and I’m connected. I duly chat with my sister and her husband before asking if I can speak to my dad. Whilst my sister is handing over the phone the weirdest thing happens…

A real live elephant wanders up the road outside the hotel without a care in the world. For a city boy like me this was something of a shock...

Well bugger me with a fish fork I think…this might well be the best Gin I’ve ever tasted. Just then I snap back to reality when I hear the familiar tones of my father.

2006-12-17T23:59:00.000Z

Strange Kind Of Love

2006-12-14T01:55:00.000Z

I have a friend, and yes I know that they all say that, who has been single for the last seven years. This despite the fact that he is the right side of 30 and recent reports stating that this city has 40,000 more single girls than boys.

In an attmept to find a soul mate he recently decided to sign up for an online dating site. Having received a number of responses from female singletons he asked if I would assist him in narrowing down the choice. Firstly I had to establish how old my friend was when he received his first dental filling. This information is important as it relates to Davenelli's first rule of dating. Which is...

"If you have a filling older than the lady/gentleman you like then move on...the age gap is too large"

So armed with a list of user i.d.s I duly logged into the dating site concerned. Unfortunately in order to view the member profiles I first had to register. Having already agreed to assist my friend this created something of a dilemma. However, on checking out the site I was reassured by the fact that registration was free and that you could specify your reasons for visiting, marriage, dating, friendship etc. I promptly set about creating a profile for myself and specified that I was merely looking for friendship and the opportunity to learn more about other cultures.

Anyhoo…once my registration was completed I was free to browse the aisles of lonely hearts. I duly started my task of reading the profiles of the ladies who had contacted my friend. I have to say that I was more than a little surprised. Not by the fact that there are that many lonely people out there but rather by the admissions/disclosures that people are prepared to make in an attempt to find a partner.

Here are a few of the things I genuinely came across in the profiles which I consider to be just plain wrong…

DO NOT – tell your prospective beau/s all about your recovery from breast cancer. Yes I appreciate the enormity of what you have been through but surely this is something you should perhaps save until you are more acquainted with your new friend. Rightly or wrongly this may be off putting to prospective partners as they may deem you to be “damaged goods”.

DO NOT – go into great detail about the abuse you suffered as a child and how this led you into a destructive marriage which with the aid of counselling you are now coming to terms with. Once again this is surely best saved until you have built up some trust with that special someone. An admission of this nature at this stage will simply single you out as a “victim” and will almost certainly attract the wrong sort of suitor.

In addition I have a couple of other pieces of advice for singletons out there who are considering this online dating lark…

If you have a rather large tattoo of a man’s name on your body it may be an idea to cover it up before having your photograph taken for your profile. I came across the profile of a rather pretty young lady who had the word DANIEL etched in rather large letters on her upper arm and boldly displayed in the photograph attached to her profile. Unless your prospective partner is named Daniel this may be a little off putting.

If you have been beaten with the ugly stick do not post a photograph of you standing next to your most attractive friend. This will make a prospective date feel like the unlucky contestant on a game show when the host pulls back the curtain and says “come and see what you could have won”

I know this sounds harsh as beauty is only skin deep but in a few of profiles I’ve looked at this would mean that the individual concerned is actually inside out.

Rightly or wrongly we are all to a certain degree shallow and influenced by the aesthetic of the individual. Let’s be honest here, The Elephant Man could have the most dynamic personality in the universe but I bet he’d still spend most weekends home alone.

Anyway I finally e-mailed my friend a list of the ladies that I believe would be most suitable for him. I then made a coffee and thanked my lucky starts that I am not involved in the dating game.

Oh, that reminds me I must go back and cancel my account with the site.

I Am A Believer

2006-12-10T23:16:00.000Z

As I may have mentioned earlier I attended the opening of a new bar/venue this week, the absurdly named The Maggie May. It's not everyday that one can find himself drinking in a bar named after a Rod Stewart song. I did once see a hairdressing salon named "The First Cut Is The Deepest" but I digress.

The purpose of my attendance, apart of course from the free booze, was to see one of the hottest new bands from Glasgow, The Poems.

I am delighted to inform you that they did not disappoint. Whilst their album, Young America, was released in North America in September on the Minty Fresh label this was only their third live appearance.

A short set of only five songs was performed with the band obviously concentrating on quality rather than quantity. This may in part be down to the personnel changes which have occurred since the album's release.

Whilst Robert Hodgens, Kerry Polwart & Adrian Barry remain in place, Robert Paterson has sadly passed away whilst Amy Ogletree has moved on to new projects.

To supplement the group's core the live line up was boosted by the keyboards of Andy Maye whilst Maria Leahy provided a second guitar, backing vocals and an enchanting smile. The line up was completed by the hyperactive drumming of Ross MacFarlane. In Mr MacFarlane the band have the most entertaining drummer since Micky Dolenz. The major difference being that MacFarlane can actually play a bit, actually rather a lot.

Anyhoo...the band opened with the haunting Ballad Of A Bitter End which recently featured in an episode of ABC's Gray's Anatomy. I am delighted to report that the vocals of Kerry Polwart are as sumptuous live as they are recorded. The highlight for me was a revised version of So Soon. Whilst the original is a somewhat spartan and atmospheric affair the band chose this song to display their collective talent and elected to rock out in much the same way as Neil Young does with Like A Hurricane. Set closer I Am A Believer (a certain hit single if it is ever released) finished things off on a high.

If you still haven't bought the album (and you really should) it can be obtained at amazon.com and iTunes in North America and as an import from amazon.co.uk in Britain. I've even provided a little amazon link in the side bar, just over there ---> and up a little bit. Now isn't that sweet of me?

The album will be released in the UK early in the new year on the x-phonic label whilst The Poems can next be seen supporting Justin Currie at The ABC Glasgow 20th January 2007 during Celtic Connections.

Four tracks from The Poems including the three highlighted can be heard at their myspace site.

www.myspace.com/thepoemsmusic

Ship Of Fools

2006-12-05T02:30:00.000Z

Ok readers today's topic for discussion is...Jack Black, nope not the Mindstore Guru but the actor/musician of the same name.

I first encountered Mr Black in the Will Smith movie "Enemy Of The State" a movie so poor not even the ever watch able Gene Hackman and Jason Lee could save it. However, I was strangely drawn to the overweight computer geek character Fiedler played by Jack. Whoa I thought here is someone new and interesting.

Fast forward a few years and the movie adaptation of Nick Hornby's book High Fidelity hits the screens. As a fan of the book I ventured to my local cinema to view the movie. Lo and behold but doesn't Jack Black steal every scene he's in. On the TWAT Davenelli radar his star is most definitely on the rise.

Fast forward a few more years and I have come to the conclusion that Mr Black is a royal pain in the arse.

Shallow Hal - shite
School Of Rock - shite
King Kong - shite
Nacho Libre - shite
Tenacious D: The Pick Of Destiny - I can't even begin to describe this one, so I'll settle for shite

Jack Black has become the bastard love child of Robin Williams and Jim Carey. He is completely unable to offer anything beyond the one persona. Oh look at me, no not him, ME ME ME!!!! Aren't I wacky and edgy?

Talk about two fucking dimensional. Why is this man so popular? Other than to prove that Warhol was right and that a minute amount of talent can be stretched an awful long way.

Yes, yes Jack we've seen it all before, yawn! Now fuck off and learn to act.

Sorry I just had to get that off my chest.

Opportunities

2006-12-04T10:15:00.000Z

Just a quick one today...it's been a bit of an odd week. Good things appear to be happening to those around me with opportunity presenting itself. Given the characters involved I have no doubt that success will quickly follow for each.

"What are these opportunities?" I hear you ask...well let me explain.

The middle of the week saw a musician friend (MF) of mine finally sign his UK recording and publishing deals, the American ones have been in the bag for many months. This great news was quickly followed by the announcement that two acquaintances had concluded the protracted deal to acquire a new bar/club. I have now been invited to the official opening on Thursday when the live music will be provided by my musician friend.

The good news continued on Saturday when myself and MF went for a drink to celebrate. Rather than our usual Saturday afternoon haunt we had received a call from another acquaintance who had just got the keys to his new bar and invited us along for a look. Several bottles of Budvar and a fantastic chorizo and red onion pizza later I emerged, blinking in the fading afternoon light feeling good about the world.

Whilst I am obviously delighted for everyone involved I am once again left with the feeling that the only person I know who is standing still is me. Ho hum!

No Religion

2006-11-28T00:29:00.000Z

It's this time two years ago. Eldest daughter(ED) is starting to get very excited about her forthcoming Christmas concert at nursery. She is aged three and a half.

The finale of the concert is when each child in her class stands up, holds a letter aloft and says a phrase linked to their letter. The letters in turn spell out CHRISTMAS JOY.

ED is delighted as she has been allocated the letter J, which also happens to be the first initial of her name. ED is happy and I am happy that she is happy so everything is well with the world.

Until...we go shopping one Saturday afternoon. ED decides that she wants to practice her phrase to ensure that she has it spot on for the big day. Being an indulgent kind of fella I agree that this would be good.

I then find myself wandering down Byres Road in my neighbourhood, where I'm rather well know with a small angelic looking child telling random pedestrians that J is for Jesus at maximum decibels.

A fair number of acquaintances of mine that we met that day now believe that I am a closet member of the God Squad.

And for this I paid that damn nursery an obscene amount of cash each month.

To The End

2006-11-27T10:21:00.000Z

It's January 1991 and being unable to sleep I am sitting on the sofa watching a truly shite movie. Tough Guys (ironically enough as it turns out) starring Burt Lancaster & Kirk Douglas. Just the kind of brain numbing rubbish I need to send me to sleep. About thirty minutes into the movie the broadcast is interupted with the announcement that Operation Desert Storm is under way.

Around this time my sister, who was home on vacation, returned from a night out. As she was living in that part of the world at the time we sat glued to the screen until dawn watching the images. I finally went to bed at sunrise wondering how the movie panned out.

Fast forward to last night. Once again I am unable to sleep so I turn on the TV in search of something mind numbing to view. Lo and behold what had just started? Yip! got it in one...Tough Guys starring Burt Lancaster & Kirk Douglas.

After a decade and a half of wondering I now know how the movie ends.

I've got to say it wasn't worth the wait.

The Sound Of Silence

2006-11-20T00:54:00.000Z

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of weeks but like a number of other important events it slipped my mind.

Anyway...the good old punk rock art terrorists The K-Foundation have decreed that tomorrow should be a music free day. Following on from their previous work of burning £1,000,000 on a Scottish beach and their hijacking of the Turner Prize this "event" seems almost low key.

But being an admirer of their subversive work I for one will be leaving my ipod at home.

Full details of the event can be found here.

http://www.nomusicday.com/

Television, The Drug Of The Nation

2006-11-14T00:46:00.000Z

1991 and I am employed in The Arts. Working in the office with me is a drama student around my age. To me she is one of the prettiest girls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and she does a wonderful line of self deprecating humour. As she is studying she only works part-time and I have to say I miss her when she is not there.

We get along well and share similar interests in film, theatre, music and books. The usual stuff you place too much importance on and discuss when you’re 20. Unlike me she is driven and has a desire to succeed whilst I am happy to just float along on the wind seeing where the world takes me. It would be correct to say we were friends.

After a few safe lunches together I finally pluck up the courage to ask her out on “a date”. Sadly it became apparent that the young lady did not view me in quite the way I thought she did, and politely declined my invitation insisting that we remain friends.

Being 20 my despair at rejection lasted around 48 hours. I guess I've always been shallow. Shortly afterwards I moved on to another venue and we lost touch.

Fast forward fifteen years to 2006 and I am watching Children’s Television with my kids. Not being a fan of TV I feign interest in the hugely popular show until a face I recognise appears on screen. Lo and behold it’s the young lady who blew me out a decade and a half ago. Turns out she has achieved her goal.

Me…well I’m still waiting to figure out just what my goal may be.

And I have to say it's true what they say about how you look on TV...

Indoor Fireworks - Revisited

2006-11-13T11:41:00.000Z

Following up on the previous post...

http://irritationsoflife.blogspot.com/2006/11/indoor-fireworks.html

Further details have been released with the "hero" of the story now kicking the arse (so to speak) out of his fifteen minutes of "fame".

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_headline=i-feel-as-if-i-ve-just-eaten-the-hottest-curry-in-the-world&method=full&objectid=18082420&siteid=64736-name_page.html

Step forward Mr Dan Tilley,22, of Sunderland, a former soldier who managed to complete his military duties without getting his arse blown off only to return to Civvie Street and do it to himself.

Mr Tilley has now undergone three emergency operations to repair the two new holes he blew in his arse. He will now be using a colostomy bag for at least ten weeks.

I'm informed that a video of the stunt is now available on youtube.

Mr Tilley TWAT Davenelli salute you.

Indoor Fireworks

2006-11-10T00:04:00.000Z

I just had to share this with you.

If Forrest Gump is to be believed then "stupid is as stupid does".

A 22 year old man was admitted to hospital in Sunderland suffering from internal burns after his attempt to launch a rocket from his arse (ahem!) backfired.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/6132140.stm

A spokesman for the paramedics who attended the scene is quoted as saying...

"Potentially it could have been a fatal incident."

"He sustained fairly significant injuries in the fact that there's huge damage to that particular area."

"The body naturally produces methane gas, so combine that with the firework and the exploding effect with methane's flammability - it certainly could have been a lot worse than it really was."

My only disappointment with the story is that the gentleman wasn't named and shamed in the article.

Smoke 'Em

2006-11-05T20:34:00.000Z

Saturday afternoon and having been locked out of my Highland retreat I found myself in the local pub. If I was nowhere then this pub was surely the middle of it. It was perched on a mountainside in the centre of a loose collection of homes in varying states of decay. One or two of these properties were clearly in the middle of being refurbished going by the volume of plant scattered around.

Anyway the bar is L-shaped and furnished in 70’s chic. It wasn't retro the furniture was original. The tables sported chipped Formica tops in burnt orange which complemented the nicotine soaked walls nicely.

I sat at the corner of the L with an unobstructed view of the pub including the alcove which is out of sight of the bar. To my right sitting in the alcove are four 40 something men who from their accents are clearly not local. For the last ten minutes they have been throwing back pints of Stella in between using the Formica tops to “chop up” lines of coke that would have made Scarface envious.

Each of them in turn snorted their lines. Throughout this I was trying to keep my eyes on the novel in my hand but as the group got louder the task became more difficult.

After a couple of drinks and a line or two of the finest Columbian the men all rose in unison before donning their coats and disappearing outside.

They returned five minutes later smelling of cigarette smoke and ordered more beers before retiring to their seats in the alcove. Clearly they believed that observing the public smoking ban was important. After all they wouldn't want to break the law now, would they?

Truly a sign of the times.

That's Entertainment

2006-10-31T03:39:00.000Z

I have to admit that I am posting this against my better judgement, so don't be surprised if it is not here tomorrow.

It’s 31 October 1991, I am now twenty and attending a Halloween party. After several weeks of persuasion I have been worn down and agreed to don fancy dress for the first time since the events outlined in my previous post.

Events so far…My assistant arrived in the office with, appropriately enough, Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dumb outfits. These come complete with school caps and excessive padding for maximum comedy effect.

As we had some time to kill we got a cab into town for a drink, in costume. We had a couple of beers at a city centre bar (where we know the manager, so we don't pay) we then borrow a dozen more from the stock (the party is BYOB) and head back to the party in another cab.

We get back to the venue shortly after 9 and it is starting to fill up nicely...so we grab a table towards the back, close to the band and are soon joined by a number of colleagues and friends.

Some drinks, some chat and a dance or two follow...then a few more drinks, a little more chat before a young lady at the table decides that I am the man of her dreams. She duly decides to make a move on me and as she is somewhat attractive I encourage her attention.

Anyhoo...the night wears on and it's getting late...myself and the young lady are getting on famously. At this point we decide that perhaps we should be alone...
My place is ruled out as it's too far away...whilst hers is out as she still lives at home with her parents.

So we decide to seek sanctuary within the building. We wander through the bowels of the property and find a store room...as there's no-one around and the only noise we can hear is coming from the party way back the way we came, we decide to enter.

Once inside the store room I slip out of the silly outfit and well you can guess what's going to happen...

I am in the process of dropping my underwear when the door opens and in walk two other members of staff to be met with the sight of my pasty arse.
It turns out that they had watched us leave the party and believing that we were off to liberate some stashed beer they elected to follow us.

How disappointed they must have been?

I suppose you could consider the whole sordid incident as being very much a cruel trick. Clearly not the treat they, me or the young lady had been anticipating.

Surprisingly I never did see the young lady again.

Add this to the previous tale and is it any wonder I dislike/fear fancy dress?

Hip Teens Don't Wear Blue Jeans

2006-10-29T23:38:00.000Z

It is 1974; I am three and a half years old and I am at a Halloween Party at my Nursery School. I am resplendent in a purple nylon jumpsuit with sequins that my mother has made for me and in my hand is a little wooden guitar. Yes indeed, for today I am Elvis Aaron Presley aka The King Of Rock'N'Roll.

Unfortunately my outfit seems to be too convincing. The nursery nurses actually seem to believe that I AM Elvis. Indeed they want me to take to the stage and entertain the party guests with a song. I have made my reluctance quite clear yet they are still insistent.

Oh no…the heavy lady who smells of baby powder and sour milk is heading this way.
Hey lady what are you doing?
She has lifted my puny frame onto the makeshift stage and is now urging me to perform like some dancing monkey.
This can only end one way. Tears. Mine.
It will be seventeen years before I dress up again.

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

2006-10-28T02:15:00.000+01:00

Ok, so you all know how I feel about the smoking ban that was ill-conceived and hastily implemented by the Scottish Executive in March this year. Well it appears as if the evidence is begining to stack up against our glorious leaders regarding the promised benefits the ban would bring.

If you remember Scotland's First Minister Joke McConnell proudly announced that by implementing the public ban the health of the nation would be improved as those that wished to quit would have an incentive to stop. My stance has always been that this was merely an attempt to marginalise the smoking community and that all of the "data" used to back up the parliament's arguements was, for want of a better word, a smokescreen and an attempt to obfuscate the real issues.

Well kiddies the latest figures released by The Scottish Grocers Federation show that since the ban was introduced in March this year that tobacco sales have increased by almost 5%. That's 61,000 packets or 1,220,000 more cigarettes being purchased each week.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2090-2405003,00.html

This increase is broadly inline with the rises experienced by other countries who have also implemented a public smoking ban. At the time of the introducion of the ban Health Minister Andy Kerr was quoted as saying

"As well as protecting people from the harmful effects of second-hand smoke it will help many people to give up smoking. Evidence from Ireland proves this." oooops! wrong again Andy.

Now the cynic in me has wondered if perhaps this was the intention all along. Each packet of cigarettes sold in this country contribues 22% of the retail price plus a further £2 in duty to the treasury. Indeed I am led to believe that the income raised from cigarette duty is comparable to the sums raised from North Sea Oil. Therefore by implementing the ban and making smoking a sign of rebellion the government has driven up tobacco sales which in turn boosts the treasury coffers.

Politicians...can't live with them, can't trust the fuckers.

Out To Get You

2006-10-24T02:32:00.000+01:00

Went to a club on Friday night, yes I know this was a foolish thing for a man of my advanced years to do, but hey I'd had a few beers and wanted to continue the party.

Anyhoo...I approached the entrance of the venue and informed the "security" that I was on the guest list (I know the DJ you see). Mr WalkieTalkie took my details and duly confirmed that this was indeed the case. He very nicely informed me that I should proceed onwards and inwards and have a good time.

Then things took a turn for the strange...as myself and my friend moved to walk past him he stopped my friend and pointed to his jacket. On the breast of the jacket was a small badge of the Italian footballing giants Juventus. He duly informed my friend that this would have to be covered up inside the club.

WHY? We were in Glasgow, had a busload of Torino fans (The city rivals of Juventus) already entered the premises?

Aaah! doormen you've got to love them.

Welcome To The Working Week

2006-10-17T13:18:00.000+01:00

As I have mentioned in previous posts my social circle has altered this year and taken on a new dynamic. As a result I regularly find myself in situations where I have to make small talk with creative people who enjoy “sexy jobs” and the associated pay cheques.

As you will know, if you’ve read my profile, I am employed in the banking/finance sector. I am not even fortunate enough to enjoy one of the more glamorous roles available in this field. As you can imagine this has led to some uncomfortable silences.

Me: yeah I saw your work at The Tate Gallery.
Him: what did you think?
Me: I liked the way you recycled everyday items and made them take on a whole new purpose forcing the viewer to consider them in a new perspective and question their pre-conceived ideas about functionality.
Him: what is it you do yourself?
Me: I work for a bank
Him: Oh…
Me: (desperately) but I appreciate the aesthetics of your art…

For this reason I have decided to “invent” an alternative occupation for myself to be used during these conversations.

First Dilemma…which job to use? It obviously would have to be something that would not be immediately exposed as being a falsehood yet still sufficiently interesting so as not to kill a conversation stone dead. The falsehood aspect forced me to rule out musician, DJ, sculptor etc. This really only left writing and as this blog could tenuously be considered writing I thought why not?

Second Dilemma…what to write about? Journalism is obviously out as a quick google search would scupper that plan, novels likewise. So after much thought I have decided that I will be a restaurant critic. Most of them work in anonimity. Counting chef as one of my many previous occupations I am confident that I can talk about food in an appropriately obscure way to pull this off. And besides I look like a man who enjoys a good meal.

Third Dilemma…on revealing this as my “occupation” the supplementary question would obviously be who for? Again this requires careful consideration for obvious reasons. I have therefore decided that the only plausible answer to this will be airline in-flight magazines. These are totally disposable, always contain restaurant reviews, are changed on a regular basis and at the end of the day who actually remembers anything they have read in one of these?

So feel free to congratulate me on my new job as tonight I may be dining on...

Ballottine of foie gras marinated in white port, pickled mushrooms, toasted brioche, Cannelloni of courgette with ricotta and pine nuts, pickled girolles and a broccoli purée.

But then again I may have beans on toast.

Bon appetite.

Always The Last To Know...

2006-10-16T10:10:00.000+01:00

Another of the TWAT Davenelli quick reviews

The Ordinary Boys have just released a new single titled Lonely At The Top - how the fuck would they know?

The Right Profile

2006-10-16T09:21:00.000+01:00

I've received some correspondance regarding The Poems album I've been championing and a possible European release date. There is good news and bad news on this front.

The bad news is that I have no idea when the album will see the light of day this side of the pond.

However, the good news is that Amazon UK have come to the rescue and are now stocking the disc on import at the bargain price of £12.99.

Live dangerously and give it a go, after all what the hell else are you going to do with £13?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Young-America-Poems/dp/B000H8SFHK/sr=8-2/qid=1160986780/ref=sr_1_2/202-6908184-1694229?ie=UTF8&s=music

Justified & Ancient

2006-10-15T09:02:00.000+01:00

Feeling old this morning...well physically anyway. Who knows this may be a result of all the gardening I do.

Mentally I don't feel too much different from when I was 22 but I am now very aware that I have become a fat dad.

This first dawned on me one morning on my way to work when I realised on walking past the local girls school that my eyes were drawn to the mothers rather than the children they were dropping off. When I say children I'd like to point out that I am talking about seniors here...16+. Not that that makes things much better but you know what I mean. What is the age difference between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes anyway he mused...

What really brought it home to me was when my boss's daughter arrived in the office. The young lady (18) had been to the record store and was showing her mother her purchases. One of these was the excellent Thunder, Lightning, Strike album by the criminally underrated and largely ignored Go! Team. This is an album that I love. I happened to comment to this effect...only to be met with a withering look. In that moment I knew that I had ruined any enjoyment the young lady may have gained from this superb disc.

In a second it had gone from being a cool album she had discovered for herself to music associated with a fat dad.

To S. I am truly sorry for spoiling this for you.

No doubt you are now using the disc as a coaster as you are unable to bring yourself to listen to dad music.

Anyhoo...I suppose the point of this is that...

I'm old, not wise, just weary.

Born To Run

2006-10-15T00:47:00.000+01:00

It's odd how your opinion of someone can be altered in a moment. In the blink of an eye the esteem in which you have previously held them can be stripped away exposing the human vulnerability beneath. Woah Davenelli! I hear you scream, this is all a bit deep for this time of the night.

Indeed, but something has been playing on my mind for the last few weeks and I thought that I had to share it with you.

A while back I went to see Jonathan Richman, an artist I have admired for close on two decades. This was not the first time I have seen him in action but merely the latest occassion of many. At each previous gig we (the audience) have been enthralled with his twee melodies and ponderings on the life of a rock'n'roller. Each show carried an air of spontenaity with Jonathan moving off in different directions (often simultainiously) leaving drummer Tommy Larkin to try and keep things on track. But not this time.

This show was a lesson in Richman By Numbers. Clocking in at just over an hour (I am led to believe that he was contracted to play for closer to two) we were grudgingly granted a one song encore then he was off out of the side door and into the night.

Now I don't know if he had a lot on his mind...what I do know is that he left behind a hall full of pissed off punters who had each shelled out £15 for the privilege. Many of these people had sustained him through the lean times.

Don't get me wrong here...what he did give was of a very high standard it's just that he didn't do enough of it.

No Fun

2006-10-15T00:20:00.000+01:00

Quick review...

The Ordinary Boys...indeed they are.

Steal My Sunshine

2006-10-12T09:18:00.000+01:00

Tales From Almost Employment.

Another true story. About a year ago I was walking home from the office when I was propositioned by a rather glamorous young lady. Oh aye! I thought…the old boy still has it.

They lady in question duly introduced herself and informed me that she was a casting director on the lookout for faces to appear in an upcoming TV commercial. A business card was proffered as proof/validation that her intentions were sadly honourable. She stated that she was intrigued by my visage and would I be interested in the “part”.

Inside I was screaming pick me! Pick me! But outwardly I elected to play it cool simply stating that I would be willing to assist as she had asked so nicely.

A few minutes later after exchanging details and posing for a couple of polaroids I was informed that she would be in touch.

Now I have always considered myself something of a level headed chap but by now my head was swimming with thoughts of fame, stardom, trips to Cannes etc. I was also imagining what the mystery product I would be advertising was.

In my mind it was obviously something uber-cool. A new bar, a masculine fragrance, maybe a hip band or cool gadget. So somewhat sheepishly I plucked up the courage to ask.

“Oh! Did I not say?” the young lady answered.

“It’s for Dobbies Garden Centre”

And right at that moment another one of my dreams were crushed. I had gone from chisel jawed hero to fucking gnome in about the time it takes to boil a decent egg.

What disappointed me most was that to this lady I looked like someone who gardens.

And she never did call.

I Am A Believer

2006-10-11T09:18:00.000+01:00

Shameless plug for a great album. Young America by The Poems is in the shops now, assuming you reside in North America. For once Europe is a little behind, although a European release is pending.

This cracking album can be purchased at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes and all good retailers. Possibly the best $16 you'll spend today...but possibly not. To save you some time simply click the links below

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/product.asp?z=y&EAN=796627006821&itm=1

http://www.amazon.com/Young-America-Poems/dp/B000H8SFHK/sr=8-1/qid=1160554545/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-9708338-1219235?ie=UTF8

Scar Tissue

2006-10-10T21:16:00.000+01:00

A man cuts himself shaving...fuck he thinks, I hope I don't get blood on my clean shirt. Note to self...best remember to remove the toilet paper from my chin before leaving the house.

Being a man who has cut himself on a few occassions I can confirm that this is the normal thought process.

However I am not David Young of Crosshill in Fife, no siree!

You see Mr Young cut himself shaving but his thought process was probably a little more like this...Damn I've cut myself shaving. I do hope I don't get blood on my clean shirt. Hey (and you can almost see the lightbulb above his head) I wonder if I can find a shyster lawyer who will sue the manufacturer of this razor.

And you know the saddest part of this story...he actually did it! He launched legal action against Wilkinson Sword.

More bizarre still...Wilkinson Sword offered an out of court settlement of £6,500 ($11,000) and more baffling yet Mr Young knocked it back stating

"We think it is simply not enough. We think that considering the injury and the distress it has caused us we should be getting a lot more."

"We have spent £900 having the razor analysed (£900 for fucks sake. Consider the other things that could have been done with this £900) and our lawyer will take £3000 (This may be the only case I've come across where I'd actually like to see the lawyer increase his fees) of the £6500 as his fee."

And right there we can see the motivation for this farce. It's not about righting wrongs or sticking up for the little guy. Oh no this one appears to stem from one of the basest human instincts...greed!

The TWAT Davenelli opinion on this

If you are too fucking stupid to operate something as primative as a razor then why the fuck should the rest of the world financially reward you for your ineptitude?

I sincerely hope that this case now goes to court and Wilkinson Sword triumph with Mr Young ordered to apologise for raising such a worthless lawsuit. I'd also like the court to award costs to WS just for spite.

I will now be swapping my Gillette shaving gear for those of their rival as a show of solidarity. Further details on The Wilkinson Sword range can be found here...

http://www.wilkinson-swords.co.uk/

As a footnote

I once cut my finger slicing bread...should I sue Sabatier?

Anyhoo...the whole "hilarious" article can be read at the link below...

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm_headline=shaving-scar-&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;method=full&objectid=17895124&siteid=66633-name_page.html

Fool's Gold

2006-10-08T22:44:00.000+01:00

Further Tales Of Previous Employment

Long ago in a galaxy far far away I was involved in The Arts, proper theatre not some amateur dramatics lark I hasten to add.

One of the most memorable shows that I worked on involved the legendary Wooster Group from NYC. The Wooster Group membership is like a who’s who of avant garde theatre and features/featured, amongst others, such luminaries as Ron Vawter, Spalding Gray, Kate Valk, Peyton Smith & Willem Dafoe.

Anyhoo…As I understand it part of the deal when the contracts for their visit were inked was that we (the hosts) would throw a large party at the end of the run. Being the hospitable lot we were this did not present a problem. We duly hired a ballroom and on the last night of the Company’s stay we threw back the booze and danced the night away.

Ok, I know it’s quite a dull story…I’m getting to the good part.

In order to access the venue we had procured for the evening one had to pass through a public bar (the ballroom was upstairs). On making this journey one of my colleagues spotted a TV producer that was a friend of our venue and their other half enjoying a drink in the bar. When this news was relayed to the party it was decided that we should dispatch someone downstairs to invite the couple to join us for a drink, which we duly did.

About five minutes later the TV producer and spouse appeared. After exchanging pleasantries it was quite apparent that spouse (a minor TV celebrity) was somewhat the worse for wear and to be avoided whenever possible.

A little later Willem Dafoe joined the party and knowing that the majority of eyes in the room were on him took up a position close to the bar with Wooster Group Director Elizabeth LeCompte.

It quickly became apparent that the “tired & emotional” spouse (a minor TV celeb remember) was somewhat starsturck by the attendance of a bona fide star like Mr Dafoe. After several minutes spouse could not contain themself any longer and duly strode across the floor towards Mr Dafoe. By now all eyes were on the unfolding events.

What followed was one of the most embarrassing spectacles I’ve ever witnessed.

Minor TV celebrity duly accosts Willem Dafoe and offers up a hearty handshake with the greeting of “I’m xxxxxxxxxx (name removed to protect the guilty) you may have seen me on the TV”

Now what was obviously lost on the minor TV celeb was that Willem Dafoe is an American and like most Americans lives in the USA. Minor celeb meanwhile could only be seen, at this time, on STV (Scottish Television to those who do not know). How the fuck did minor celeb think that they may have registered on Willem Dafoe’s radar?

A classic example of having no perception of your actual worth.

Should you ever get the chance to see The Wooster Group in action I’d suggest grabbing it with both hands as they rarely disappoint.

More information on the Wooster Group can be found here.

www.thewoostergroup.org/

Diamond Dogs

2006-10-07T23:04:00.000+01:00

Memories Of Casual Summer Employment

True Story – half a lifetime ago in the time between high school and university I spent a few weeks working on a building site. The job was to convert an old whisky warehouse into executive apartments which would then be sold for the equivalent of the GDP of a small Central American country.

My task was to run the cables for the TV antennas and the CCTV security system then install the wall sockets and cameras. Easy work and as we had negotiated a daily rate with the contractor speed was not important. As construction work goes this is about as simple as it gets.

The crew consisted of me, another student, the contractor’s son and a gaffer. For two weeks we were all lads together and lurked around the site like “the last gang in town”. Taking extended lunch breaks, heading to the pub when it rained, having a laugh and generally just fucking around trying to spin the job out as long as possible. To this end we would engage other workers in conversation, so much so that an Indian labourer started to seek us out to shoot the breeze.

Anyhoo…this gentleman started to join us at lunch time to enjoy his sandwiches and practice his English. All in all I have to say he was a rather charming and intelligent chap with a nice line in self deprecating humour. The one thing that bothered me though was that he had the nastiest looking and smelling lunch I’ve ever seen.

Eventually I plucked up the courage to address this issue and asked him what it was that he was eating. The gentleman stared at me for a moment then simply said pate.

I thought no more about it until the following day when lunchtime came round again and I found myself in the company of the Indian chap. Again I was overpowered by the scent of his lunch and again I asked what it was. Once more the answer was simply pate.

After a few more days of this one of our crew decided that he fancied pate for lunch instead of the usual cheese and pickle combo that he had in his lunch box. Finally it was lunchtime and again the enigmatic Indian sat down to join us. My colleague enquired as to the identity of the gentleman’s sandwich filling and received the usual answer of pate. This was followed by a couple of minutes of frantic negotiation on a possible exchange between the two with my colleague enthusiastically extolling the virtues of cheese and pickle with the fervour of a TV evangelist.

Reluctantly the Indian gentleman gave over his lunch to my delighted co-worker and settled down to consume the cheese sandwich he had received in return.

Meanwhile my colleague was grinning from ear to ear in anticipation of his tasty delight. He smiled, gave the Indian a big thumbs up and took a huge bite of the pate sandwich.

What followed was a few moments of coughing, retching and much shouting of “what the fuck is this?” “That is the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted” and “Pate my arse”

Once the dust had settled the inquest began. It turns out that the sandwiches had not contained pate at all but actually contained dog food. Our Indian friend admitted that he had initially eaten dog food by mistake believing that it was pate. On discovering the truth he was somewhat embarrased but by this time he had decided that he actually quite enjoyed the taste. He then decided that given the relative low cost of the filling that it made economic sense to continue eating it.

I was 17…I had no idea you could be that poor, especially in this country.

Cut The Crap

2006-10-06T23:09:00.000+01:00

Just had the misfortune to watch The Devil Wears Prada. Without a doubt the worst film I've seen since...well since Tom Hanks last made a movie.

Review? You want a review?

Ok here goes...

Working Girl for the new millenium.

Simply...

A film by cunts

For cunts

And starring cunts (well the characters are, I'm sure the actors are all fine individuals)

Don't do it...you'll never regain that two hours of your life.

Not even the sweetly pretty Anne Hathaway could redeem this.

About halfway through I'd lost the will to live. Strange thoughts started to float around my head like...

Do Anne Hathaway and The Joker from Batman share the same mouth? They certainly use the same lipstick.

Obscurity Knocks

2006-10-02T02:23:00.000+01:00

As my avid reader will no doubt have spotted I've not quite been myself for the last month or so...venom and bile have been somewhat in short supply. Rather I have been treading water without the stomach for a fight.

Well the last few days have sorted that out. I've spent the weekend analysing the things that have recently worn me down and decided it was time to tackle them head on.

I have decided that I will no longer tolerate those people I know who simply wish to moan about their life without doing something about it. You know the sort...the kind of people who believe that they are always the victim yet don't bother their arse makings any positive changes. If you want to be a victim then go right ahead, just don't expect me to care. I think William S. Burroughs nailed this one when he stated in "Words Of Advice For Young People" that one should

Avoid fuck-ups.

We all know the type.

Anything they have anything to do with,

No matter how good it sounds,

Turns into a disaster.

Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.

Tell them firmly:

I am not paid to listen to this drivel.

I am sick to death of people who want Davenelli to cure all of their ills. To those people (and they should know who they are) I say a great big fuck off! I have now removed your numbers from my mobile phone. I will no longer be answering your calls or responding to your e-mails.

I am also sick of people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. Although I mainly blame the media for this shit. Why will no-one accept that accidents simply happen anymore? Why does someone always have to be to blame? Is it simply greed?

Oh if someone else is found to be at fault I'll get a fat fucking cheque...is that how it is these days? If it is it is truly sad.

Anyhoo...to those true friends that I have been neglecting whilst I dealt with the wasters in my address book I am truly sorry. From now on Davenelli will be the friend to you that you have always been to him.

Oh...I'll deal with the Starbucks stuff later...

If You're So Smart.....

2006-09-26T01:35:00.000+01:00

I have previously posted on the inqusitive mind of my 5 year old daughter (ed). Don't worry if you don't recall it's not required knowledge. Although you can read it here if you are that interested.

http://irritationsoflife.blogspot.com/2006/08/kids-you-cant-beat-them.html

Anyhoo today Ed asked another of her marvellous left field questions. Previous entries in this category include...

If you blow out a match where does the flame go?

Why is the sky blue?

Today's winner

Why is gravy liquid?

How do you even begin to tackle that?

Kerry Polwart I Salute You

2006-09-24T00:05:00.000+01:00

Singer with The Poems.

Please see article below or click the link for further details.

http://www.myspace.com/thepoemsmusic

Finally It's Arrived...

2006-09-23T23:16:00.000+01:00

No I'm not talking about my mail, rather I refer to the sublime debut album Young America from The Poems. Just released on The Minty Fresh label.

http://dev.mintyfresh.com/site/index.php

The Poems consist of Robert Hodgens, Adrian Barry, Amy Ogletree, the late, great Bobby Paterson and the ethereal vocals of Kerry Polwart.

Imagine Springsteen's bells...ok now add in some beautifully understated guitar riffs. Throw in some harmonies that would make Brian Wilson weep with envy, and the kind of polished yet sparse production that the finest moments of The Blue Nile enjoy. Finally finish off with a little sprinkle of Berry Gordy pop hook magic and hey presto! you are almost there.

If you are interested, and you undoubtedly should be, the band have posted four tracks at myspace. The pick of which for me is I Am A Believer. Check them out here.

http://www.myspace.com/thepoemsmusic

If you'd rather just dive in, Young America can be purchased at Amazon or through itunes.

Unfortunately the album is currently only available in the USA although I understand that a European release is being negotiated.

http://www.amazon.com/Young-America-Dig-Poems/dp/B000H8SFHK/sr=8-1/qid=1159050939/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-2770105-1819940?ie=UTF8&s=music

Lost In The Supermarket?

2006-09-23T01:44:00.000+01:00

Doing even better in the misplacing stakes than the Post Office is (fanfare please...)

The Chinese Government.

Yip folks it appears that between 1980 and 2000 they managed to lose between 40&60 million women.

http://www.thestandard.com.hk/stdn/std/Weekend/GB05Jp01.html

Co-incidently enough this is approximately the same number of women that Ben Affleck was romantically linked with during the same period (probably).

Where do you stash 40-60 million women?

Even Fred West would have struggled with that one.

Lost

2006-09-23T01:34:00.000+01:00

It seems that the Post Office continues to lose around 1million items of mail each week.
How the fuck do they know?
If they have misplaced the items then surely counting them is impossible.
Dumb bastards.

What Is The Attraction?

2006-09-21T22:19:00.000+01:00

As those of you who read this regularly will know I had to attend a black tie function in London earlier this week. Being Scottish this obviously meant that a kilt was required.

So for the third time in my life I donned Highland Dress.

Anyhoo, I duly spent the evening fending off propositions from some exceptionally attractive young ladies, and a few not so young or attractive. As well as massaging my ego this got me thinking.

I am what would be kindly described as averagely attractive. If you consider that the scale runs from Brad Pitt to John Merrick then I am certainly closer to the Elephant Man. And yet there I was surrounded by women who would not normally have given me a second look.

So here is the question to all you ladies out there...just what is the attraction of a man in a skirt? I would genuinely like to know.

I Don't Get It - And Not For The First Time

2006-09-17T09:00:00.000+01:00

I would like to point out that I have a deep distrust of any organised religion. I am most certainly not an apologist for the Catholic Church and I do not know enough about the workings of Islam to comment intelligently. Despite this I feel that I must make comment.

The story goes something like this...

Former member of The Hitler Youth, Joseph Ratzinger, currently better known as Pope Benedict XVI returns home to Germany for the first time since his investiture. One of the reasons for this visit was to address The University of Regensburg. The main point of his speech was to explore the historical and philosophical differences between Islam and Christianity, and the relationship between violence and faith.

Contained within his speech was a quotation attributed to Emperor Manuel II Paleologos of the Byzantine Empire from the 14th Century. The emperor's words were, "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

The Pope went on to state that violence was "incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul".

Still with me on this? OK then I'll continue...

And what was the response to this speech from the Muslim world?

Yip you've got it in one...violent demonstrations around the globe. With Kashmir, Cairo, Gaza City, Pakistan, India and Turkey amongst others taking part in the usual flag and effigy burning shit.

And just to put the cherry on the top, in the West Bank city of Nablus two churches were firebombed on Saturday in attacks claimed by a group which said it was protesting against the Pope's remarks.

So that'll be the violence the Pope was talking about then.

Frankly I'm tired of this this shite in the name of God, Allah or whoever else. In my opinion everyone needs to lighten up. The Pope should perhaps be looking at the bloody history of The Catholic Church before commenting on other faiths. Whilst the Muslim world would do well to remember that the quotation was 700 years old and the words did not belong to this Pope.

I understand that to a great many people religion is a highly emotive topic but to use your faith as an excuse to perpetrate violent acts must surely go against everything that your set of ideals/beliefs stand for.

A more in depth article on this story can be read here

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/5353208.stm

On a lighter note I will shortly be kicking the shit out of the lunatic Christians who believe in End Time.

Missing The Point - The World Has Gone To Shite Part 2

2006-09-17T00:32:00.000+01:00

As everyone is now aware Steve Irwin is no longer with us having been killed in a freak accident whilst filming a documentary about stingrays.

Irwin was a man committed to animal conservation and preservation. He spent his life educating anyone who would listen about animal welfare. A task he carried out with boundless enthusiasm and no little skill.

Well it seems that to some his message has been lost.

Reports from Australia state that at least 10 stingrays have been killed since Irwin's death in what appear to be "revenge attacks".

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2006-09-12-stingrays_x.htm?csp=34

How fucking dumb are these people? Like their prey I'd guess they are undoubtedly bottom feeders.

Do they really think that's what the great man would have wanted?

Just As I Thought

2006-09-16T22:02:00.000+01:00

Currently the Scottish Executive are running adverts for an initiative called The Big Plus. These ads inform us that 1 in 5 adults in Scotland struggle with basic literacy and numeracy.

So by my calculations that means that 20% of the people I meet are morons.

Finally a government statistic that I believe.

If you've struggled to read this then you may need their help...

http://www.thebigplus.com/

The World Has Gone To Shite - Part 1

2006-09-16T00:56:00.000+01:00

After my short sabbatical which allowed the 9/11 tribute to sit at the top of the pile for a few days the time is right to get back in the saddle.

So many stories over the last week or so that have demand attention it was difficult to give Mrs Gentul and the 2995 others the dignity they deserve.

Anyhoo - Paul McCartney GQ Man Of The Year.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5319176.stm

How the fuck did that happen? And for what exactly did he win the award?

Releasing about his 40th shitty album on the trot?

Wringing some more revenue from the fact he was once in a rather popular band?

Getting divorced?

Let's be honest here. We all know that the last reason is probably the real one, though no-one will ever admit it.

Well guess what? My dad, like millions of others, went through a divorce and no-one, let alone GQ, bothered to give him an award.

All he got was a fat fucking lawyer's bill, an eviction notice and one day a week with his children.

The 2996 Project - Alayne F. Gentul

2006-09-11T00:38:00.000+01:00

To most of us 11 September 2001 started just like any other day. We got up, did the things you do in the morning and left for work.

This is how my day started and I’m quite sure that this is how that day began for Alayne Gentul too. Alayne was a director of human resources for Fiduciary Trust Company. Unfortunately Alayne’s office was located in The World Trade Centre.

What happened that morning is now a matter of historical record. What is often overlooked is that Alayne along with the other 2995 who perished that day were/are more than a mere statistic to be used for political capital. Each one had a heart & soul, a life, families and friends who loved them.

Mrs Gentul was a loving wife to Jack, who was the dean of students at the New Jersey Institute of Technology. They were married for 23 years and lived in Mountain Lakes, N.J. As well as a wife Alayne was also mother to two sons. Alex and Robbie who were 12 and 8 at the time.

As the planes hit the twin towers Mrs Gentul’s sense of responsibility to her colleagues took over. When she left her office on the 90th floor it was to move upwards to other departments rather than downward to the street and possible safety.

In this day and age the word hero has been devalued by over usage. He strikes a home run, he’s a hero. He make a shitty move, he’s a hero. In this case however it appears that it would be entirely appropriate to label Mrs Gentul as a true hero. By making her way through the various departments of the Fiduciary Trust Company she is now credited as having saved the lives of 40 co-workers.

On clearing the floors for which she was responsible she paused briefly to phone her husband. Recalling this conversation Jack remembers that “She said she loved the kids and we said we loved each other and we said goodbye."

I understand that Mrs Gentul was a music fan with a particular affection for Louis Prima. I think it would therefore be appropriate to sign off by dedicating a line from one of the great mans songs to Alayne, a great lady.

Buona sera, signorina kiss me goodnight.

I Fucking Love It

2006-09-08T22:55:00.000+01:00

I've just been looking at the image attached to yesterday's post and something struck me. Well two things actually

How much more respect politicians would get if they actually spoke like that
And more importantly how much I actually like swearing

No I don't mean that I wander around displaying behaviour that would embarass the average tourettes sufferer, although I do have my moments. What I mean is I truly love the richness it adds to our language.

If used properly the word fuck can have a truly dramatic impact. Perhaps nowhere more obviously than in the works of N.W.A./Ice Cube and Quentin Tarantino. Both artistes pepper their creations with a selection of words guaranteed to make Tippa Gore blush but us, the audience, whoop with delight.

It is only when these words are over used do they begin to lose their impact.

For me the finest swearing celebrity of the all has to be Richard E. Grant he does it with such style and so politely.

Don't believe me? Then check out the classic Bruce Willis turkey Hudson Hawk. For the boardroom scene alone Mr Grant takes the prize.

Thank Fuck!

2006-09-07T21:32:00.000+01:00

Finally Tony Blair has reached a decision which the majority of the electorate will agree with. Yip folks he has announced that he will quit within the year, only one more year of the increasingly embarrasing Blair (yipee!).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5322094.stm

This announcement started me thinking about how he might be remembered. I then found a nice paragraph in the book I'm currently reading (As Used On The Famous Nelson Mandela by Mark Thomas) which summed things up better than I could. According to the book Thomas lists some of the failures of Blair's government as such

"Blair would invade Iraq with the USA, ignoring the calls and pleadings of its citizens. By 2003 New Labour had not only waged an illegal war, it had pimped arms to dictators, bankrupts, thugs and frauds. Leaving a trail of mayhem, deceit, debt, death and handouts. They pumped money into BAE Systems, lobbied for BAE Systems and broke the rules for BAE Systems. New Labour nurtured this malignant cuckoo nesting at the heart of democracy and left room for change at the margins"

You know...reading that almost made me nostalgic for the days of the Conservative Party.

Farewell Crocodile Man

2006-09-04T12:58:00.000+01:00

As you are all no doubt aware the one and only Steve Irwin shuffled off this mortal coil this morning.

Whether you loved him or hated him you had to admire his enthusiasm for the subjects he covered.

I suppose that it was entirely fitting that he met his maker whilst pursuing his passion.

For me a great bloke, a top Aussie and further proof that only the good guys die young.

http://www.coolest-gadgets.com/20060907/crocodile-hunter-death-inspires-youtube-users/

I Have A Dream Or State Sponsored Racism - You Decide

2006-08-28T18:39:00.000+01:00

On the anniversary of Reverend Martin Luther King's seminal speech at the Linoln Memorial in Washington D.C. I thought it would be appropriate if I posted comment on a news story that caught my eye last week.

Rev King spoke of the need "to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice".

In perhaps the most famous line of the speech he stated that "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character".

Thanks to the formerly drunk President and his sidekick Blair's "War On Terror" it appears that 43 years on racism is still at large in western society. And in the case of the UK it has now become State Sponsored.

Two young asians were forcibly removed from an aeroplane bound for Manchester from Malaga after complaints from fellow passengers. It appears that these young men were guilty of nothing more than speaking arabic. Remember that they had passed through all of the same secuirty checks at the airport that their fellow passengers endured. In addition when the concerns of fellow passengers were raised the men agreed to undergo further security checks which were duly carried out.

Sadly this was still not sufficient for the little racist scumbags which they shared a cabin with and the gentlemen were eventually escorted from the plane by airport security.

What a tremendous triumph for right wing arseholes everywhere. If the captain of the plane had had any balls at all he would have removed those complaining and left them on the tarmac instead.

I am pleased to say that I have never flown with Monarch Airlines and after this incident I will make certain that I never do.

So there you have it...it now appears that Flying Under The Influence Of Islam is a crime.

At least the Irish will be pleased, it will take the heat off of them.

Full story available here

http://www.metro.co.uk/home/article.html?in_article_id=18728&in_page_id=1&ct=5

Too Close To The Truth...

2006-08-28T11:59:00.000+01:00

Doing a bit of surfing and I came across a very funny site which covers pretty much everything you will have done in your life in graph/diagram form.

As I have now spent the last thirty minutes laughing my arse off I decided that I would add Old Bag to my links section.

So ladies & gentlemen can we have a big TWAT Davenelli welcome for...

http://indexed.blogspot.com/

And yes the diagram at the top of this post is relevant to myself (I'm A incidently).

Purely Medicinal

2006-08-28T09:22:00.000+01:00

It seems that the Gods are smiling on our jakey (bum) friends this morning. According to the BBC a university is currently studying whether Cider has health benefits. The study is aimed at establishing whether drinking cider is the same as eating apples. You can see it now can't you? A bottle of "White Lightning" a day keeps the doctor away...erm! don't think so. A bottle of White Lightning is much more likely to make you fall over and soil yourself.

Now two things come to mind about this…

1. How the fuck did the university secure funding for such a dubious study?
2. If it proves to be true we should bow down and praise the lord then pray that similar findings follow for wine, vodka etc.

The full article can be read here

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/5291150.stm

I particularly like the line in the article which states that “twelve volunteers had been recruited to participate in the study”.

In this city the poor bastards running the study are probably now receiving hospital treatment having been trampled in the stampede for places.

Kids, You Can't Beat Them...

2006-08-20T01:16:00.000+01:00

I've spent the last couple of weeks looking after my eldest daughter. This was neccesetated by the fact that she finished nursery at the end of July and does not start school until tomorrow. I'm sure after a couple of weeks of hanging out with dad she will be delighted when the school bell rings.

I am now of the opinion that five year old children can solve the worlds problems if given the opportunity. Let me give you an example of why I believe this.

The following is an excert from a recent conversation between me and eldest daughter(ed) whilst walking along Byres Road.

ed - what's the man doing daddy?

me - he's fixing the road.

ed - why is he fixing the road?

me - because it's broken.

ed - why is the road broken daddy?

me - mainly due to central governments poor transport policy and their continued neglect of the infrastucture.

ed - what?

me - ok, there is too much traffic and not enough maintenance.

ed - how long will it take the man to fix the road?

me - given the local council's track record on these things he may be some time.

ed - what's the council?

me - it's the people we pick to run the city.

ed - Is that what you do when you go to vote?

me - yes and sometimes you make the wrong choice and end up with idiots.

ed - if they are idiots why do people pick them?

me - why do people watch television programmes like Big Brother and read tabloid newspapers? because people can be idiots.

ed - (and now from left-field) what's the name of the man fixing the road?

me - I have no idea.

ed - Why don't you know his name?

me - because I have never met the man.

ed - I WANT you to know.

me - OK, his name is John.

ed - Why is he called John?

and so on...

I once read an article that stated the average 4 year old will ask around 400 questions each day. Amateurs, ED can ask that many before breakfast. She is like a one woman Spanish Inquisition (and remember no-one expected the Spanish Inquisition).

This got me thinking. Each day by late afternoon I was mentally exhausted by the sheer volume of answers I had provided and would pretty much of agreed to anything if it bought me five minutes respite.

So my suggestion is this...if the UN is serious about solving the dispute in the middle east I would be happy to allow the leaders of Israel & Hezbollah to spend a day with me & ed. The only condition is that they must field her endless questions. By the end of the day she would have then agreeing to a permanent peace treaty whilst sobbing like a couple of little bitches.

And hey why stop there. Send round OJ. She'll have him singing like a canary in a couple of hours.

I'd like to apologise in advance to whatever teacher get the pleasure of EDs company for the year, she is a good kid, just a little inquisative.

A New Title Or Simply The Truth?

2006-08-13T22:39:00.000+01:00

A Sunday Joke

2006-08-13T22:18:00.000+01:00

This joke is courtesy of Stephen Grant. Stephen is currently appearing at the Gilded Balloon as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in his show Life's Too Short.

I pity the bloke who invented the drawing board. Every time he got it wrong, he had nothing to go back to.

Tickets can be purchased here if you're interested.

http://secure.redsixtyone.com/cgi-local/wshop.cgi?action=dfc&src=ak&event=GRANT

Welcome To The Cabaret

2006-08-12T00:18:00.000+01:00

Following a tip off from Tired Dad (http://tireddad2.blogspot.com/) I did a little digging on the name Richard Tomlinson.

This led me to his new blog which charts his fascinating & ongoing dispute with his former employers at MI6. In light of my experiences this week I thought it would be appropriate if I elevated Mr Tomlinson to my link section.

Ladies & gentlemen please provide a big TWAT (I'll explain later) Davenelli welcome to...

http://tomlinsonvmi6.blogspot.com/

Fact Or Fiction?

2006-08-11T19:13:00.000+01:00

Has anyone else read the excellent Christopher Brookmyre novel A Big Boy Did It And Ran Away?

If you haven't you should.

Given the sketchy details provided regarding the latest "terrorist threat" in the UK the introduction to the book is almost prophetic.

Anyway my point is that the "terrorist plot" was revealed at a press conference featuring John Reid & Douglas Alexander both of whom hail from the West Of Scotland just like Brookmyre. Round these parts Brookmyre is classified as required reading.

In addition to this the government were enjoying another shitty week full of negative press stories regarding the "special relationship" we have with The USA. Junior ministers resigning in response to government complicity in assisting the arming of Israel in their ongoing dispute with The Lebanon/Hezbollah. Whilst all the while British soldiers continue to be killed and maimed patrolling Iraq and Afghanastan.

Lo and behold what arrives to move all of this off the front pages but a story which appears to have been lifted from a £7 paperback.

Coincidence?...you decide.

Footnote on this one. Lammy sent me this link, it seems that I am not the only one questioning things

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1230571,00.html

Suicide Bombers, What Makes Them Tick?

2006-08-11T16:18:00.000+01:00

I'd like to apologise for the possible bad taste of the title but should you bother to read this piece I hope my intentions will become clear.

Well life has taken a turn for the strange here at Chateau Davenelli this week...I'll try and lay the facts out for you as clearly as I can.

On Monday I was visiting an ex-pat message board that I use when I became embroiled in a story concerning the conduct of a couple of "alleged" US Navy Seals (http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/post/chiefoyibo/vpost?id=1295901). My friend Lammy (http://im-not-a-yellow-belly.blogspot.com/) who is familiar with the gentleman who started the thread was outraged at the conduct of the "Seals" and decided to act. He duly e-mailed the US Military to demand some answers.

Well kiddies guess what happened next?

Yip about five minutes after he recieved the official denial from the US Government the message board was swamped with new users. A few of whom elected to post their thoughts on the story playing down the whole event and even going as far as to denounce the integrity of the poster. As you can imagine this created much consternation to those in the know.

Whilst watching this drama unfold I noticed that the Peer Guardian 2 icon in my system tray was blinking frantically (free download available at http://phoenixlabs.org/pg2/). So I opened it up and lo and behold who should have been trying to access my PC but...wait for it...

The US Department Of Defence, The Royal Signals in the UK, Haliburton & my own favourite USAAISC. Feel free to google any of the organisations you are not familiar with, I did and the results were eye opening to say the least.

My initial reaction was one of concern until I remembered that I had not broken any law that I was aware of. Once I was confident about that it started to amuse me that organisations that powerful would be remotely interested in me.

Throughout this week I have kept in contact with several members of the message board through MSN. Unfortunately these communications have been regularly interupted with connections "being lost". This is exceptionally unusual as we all reside in the first world and enjoy state of the art broadband facilities. I am not suggesting that these events are connected but...

Anyway to explain the headline...it is my thinking that if they really are interested in me then there will be certain key words and phrases that they will be on the look out for. So with this in mind I have decided to use them liberally in all online activity.

Yes I expect to now be met with a barrage of "you can sleep peacefully because of these people looking out for you, we live in a dangerous time etc" but you know what? I don't give a fuck. I've done nothing that could compromise national security and to the best of my knowledge I don't know anyone who has.

I'm tired of little arseholes running around pretending to be Col. Jessep from the shitty movie A Few Good Men.

Yeah I have no doubt that this will read like the rantings of a paranoid fool but I have googled some of my experiences and found a few like minded people.

http://tumeke.blogspot.com/2006/01/death-to-america-attack-waihopai-spy.html

I accept that "victims" of Alien Abduction could claim the same but hey ho!

A big thank you to Lammy for the title. I have to confess I did laugh when he suggested it.

5+5=2996

2006-08-07T00:11:00.000+01:00

Five weeks today will see the 5th Anniversary of the most horrific act of terrorism that the world has ever seen.

Since that dreadful day when the twin towers went down we have witnessed further terrorist attacks across the globe. In the bloody roll call we can now add the names Moscow, Madrid, London, Mumbai, Beslan and many others to that of New York.

As tension continues to rise around the globe it is essential that we remember the past and try to learn lessons that will aid the future. For this reason I have signed up for the 2996 Project which aims to remember each and every one of the victims of 11 September 2001.

For me this is not a political venture it is simply a case of remembering the innocent victims of a heinous crime. After all it could have been you or I that day instead.

I have been allocated Alayne F. Gentul from Mountain Lakes, N.J. My only hope is that whatever I post on that day will do her justice. My initial assumption was that to undertake this task for a lady I never met, who resided in a country that I have never visited would be easy. However having now signed up I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to complete the task in way which the people who did know her appreciate.

I understand that the campaign is still a little short of the numbers required. If you wish to contribute full details can be obtained at

www.dcroe.com/2996/

61 Years But Never Forget

2006-08-06T08:13:00.000+01:00

61 years ago today the first atomic bomb was dropped from Enola Gay on to the Japanese city of Hiroshima. Well you know the rest.

Nothing to celebrate I agree. I just feel that it is important to remember.

Alanis Morrisette Would Be Proud

2006-08-06T06:26:00.000+01:00

As the odd looking Canadian bint has been known to sing..."Isn't Is Ironic" Except in her case being a Canadian she has no idea of how irony works.

This story however is about as ironic as life can be. I found this online this morning and as today marks the start of the Internationally Renowned Edinburgh Festival I thought it was highly appropriate.

Yes according to today's Sunday Times the poverty stricken african nation of Nigeria is sending Aid to Scotland's capital city. The full story can be found here...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2090-2301270.html

As a proud Glasweigan you can only imagine the delight and amusement this story has provided me.

I particularly love the quotation from Kezra Shakir, The Project Supervisor, that each of the Nigerian volunteers will be provided with a list of suggested reading prior to making the trip including Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting. Laugh I almost soiled myself.

Alanis Morisette & Irvine Welsh can both be purchased from Amazon. Click the link over there ---> and shop till you drop.

Thanks to the owners of www.oyibosonline.com for the tip off on this story.

It's Alive...

2006-08-03T17:13:00.000+01:00

You may remember that I previously mentioned that I had been tempted to do a little moonlighting by providing a guest post for Scott at Perspectives Of A Nomad. http://scottageb.blogspot.com/.

Well I submitted the piece this morning fully expecting it to get trashed before publication. Guess what?...Scott published it with only one minor alteration...Fuck was changed to F***, I can live with that. This despite the fact that he did not agree with the content.

This along with the excellent introduction that he penned for the article has made my day. Sad I know but hey what else is there to cheer a man's soul on a Thursday afternoon?

Respect to Scott and if you get a chance check out the rest of his blog. For your convenience I've linked him up over there ---->

Does Sex Sell???

2006-08-03T09:04:00.000+01:00

Well in the interests of research I have decided to place this at the top of my blog. Obviously this is not just a cheap ploy to justify the inclusion of a photo of a pretty lady, oh no definately not. This my friends is science in its purest form.

How dare you think I'd be so cynical.

Well I canvassed opinion on this one and the jury was split 50/50. In order to decide one way or the other I elected to ask the cat. I then remembered that I have never owned a cat so that idea was out. This only left me to ask, so I did.

Conclusion...

If the lady in the photograph is offering them I am almost certainly buying (no you sicko, not in that way). Hey call me shallow if you like, I prefer honest.

So it would appear that sex does sell after all.

Can someone alert the advertising industry please? I not sure they are aware of this.

Perspectives Of A Nomad

2006-08-02T09:45:00.000+01:00

Just received an e-mail from Scott Brown, the owner of this blog.

http://scottageb.blogspot.com/

Scott has an interesting idea for expanding his blog which is to invite contributions from guest writers, me being one of them. I have agreed to provide a piece on the ongoing shennanigans in the middle east between Israel & Lebanon.

Whilst I am no expert in middle eastern politics and I am sure whatever I submit will be pounced upon. When writing about a subject as emotive as this one is it is inevitable that I will offend someone. Despite this I still feel that it is a worthwhile excercise.

Scott will obviously retain editorial control over my piece. I have agreed that if my opinion differs from his own that he may post a counter point.

Stay tuned for further details...It should/could be fun.

Michael Murray Digital Artist

2006-08-01T14:07:00.000+01:00

I spotted this tied to some park railings at the weekend along with a selection of other pieces by the artist. Whilst I do know a little about art, the digital format has always left me cold as I feel it lacks the warmth of the more traditional mediums. I have to say though that Michael Murray has started to alter my view.

A selection of Michael's goodies can be viewed at

http://www.michaelmurrayart.com/

Or alternatively link through from the listing over there somewhere ---->

Chateau Davenelli would be greatly enhanced by the addition of the image posted so if you happen to be feeling generous...

For Mel Gibson

2006-08-01T03:13:00.000+01:00

In light of Mel's recent arrest on suspicion of DUI I thought that this may be appropriate. Ladies & Gentlemen I give you the warning labels brewers would use if they were being honest...

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name and/or species you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more attractive, and smarter than some really, really big guy named Franz.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

And finally just for Shandi

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.

So Where To Now?

2006-07-31T19:21:00.000+01:00

*** Warning...Possible serious post ahead***

Throughout the months I've been posting here I've tried not to give away too much about myself. This was a concious decision on my part. I now fear that in order to achieve what I think I may be looking for that it is inevitable that I "give something of myself up".

Are you still following this? I'm not sure that I am.

For the last 15-20 years I've always assumed that I was bulletproof. I'm no longer quite so sure. Likewise for the last 12 years I've convinced myself that I was happy doing what it is that I do. Again I'm not too sure that this is the case.

So what has brought about this moment of epiphany I hear you ask?

The answer is I'm not sure. How's that for insightful?

To try to get to the bottom of things I've been exploring my past. If I can make sense of this then I may be able to progress my future.

Anyway enough with the double-talk.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I used to be a creative person. I worked as a photographer, I made music (ok music may be pushing it, but I did play with a garage band). I've also been a DJ and run succesful club nights. For an assortment of reasons I left all of this behind and got, what my parents would have considered, "a proper job". I now find myself with children, a mortgage, debt and a career which does not inspire me one iota.

I now often find myself asking...how did it come to this?

This year my circle of friends has altered a little with a few people coming into/back into my life. These people I suppose have made me realise that I need to begin to stretch myself again. They have also been responsible for reconnecting me to the "scene" that I was once a minor part of.

I think what I have enjoyed most about this is that a lot of the people I am now interacting with view me as Davenelli. Not my internet persona but simply as me. This is in stark contrast to a section of the people I am leaving behind. Too many of this group view me as being nothing more that the father of J&D. This is not to suggest that there is anything wrong with being a father, it is merely the case that that is no longer enough for me.

Is this selfish and wrong? I don't think so.

Anyway as I said earlier I'm still not too sure of what it is I am looking for or indeed how I can get it but I thought this may be a start.

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

2006-07-29T03:39:00.000+01:00

As I'm sure the attentive amongst you will already know I have some serious concerns regarding the shite that is going on between Israel & Lebanon

http://irritationsoflife.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-dont-get-it.html

Whilst surfing this week I have come across dozens of articles on this situation. None however have made as much of an impact as this one from Lammy's site

http://im-not-a-yellow-belly.blogspot.com/2006/07/on-more-serious-note.html#links

What Lammy has is a first hand account from someone currently living under the Israeli bombardment. To be wholly innocent of any "crime" yet still have to live under this threat in this day and age is an outrage.

What makes things even worse for me as a concerned citizen of the world is the complicity of my government in this slaughter. The UK have assisted the US in arming the Israelis by allowing weapon delivery flights to refuel at UK airports. I'm sorry but for me this takes the often touted "special relationship" to an unacceptable level.

But hold on a minute...it appears that the former drunk president has apologised for not following proper procedures with these flights

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/5223444.stm

Oh well, that's ok then.

And as for the comments from Lapdog Tony's official spokesman that this "apology" was a "very gracious thing to do" don't make me fucking laugh.

Farewell

2006-07-26T20:47:00.000+01:00

This post is dedicated to Bobby Paterson(left) who sadly departed this earth yesterday after a short illness. Bobby was known to many as being one third of the criminally under rated band Love & Money. Whilst many others knew him as the congenial host of too many legendary bars and clubs to mention. I was fortunate enough to know him as both.

Whilst I wouldn't be bold enough to call myself a friend, I was much more of an acquaintance, Bobby was without doubt one of the warmest and most decent men I've ever met. I'm sure he will be sadly missed by those whose life he touched.

The best tribute I can pay is this lyric from one of his own songs Jocelyn Square...

All the memories that flower and blossom

In the pale Endymion hour

They paint a picture of you

Too good to be true

Goodnight Bobby.

http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/66700.html

It Makes Me Laugh

2006-07-25T23:05:00.000+01:00

http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar/

2006-07-23T12:56:00.000+01:00

CNNNN - Americans

You couldn't make this up.

To Lighten The Mood

2006-07-23T12:38:00.000+01:00

q. Why do mice have such small balls?

a. Because they're not much into dancing.

The Walk Of Strife

2006-07-23T12:05:00.000+01:00

I was reading this article on Bawbag's site and it got me thinking.

http://bawbags.blogspot.com/2006/07/walk-this-way.html

Like most sane minded individuals I also get frustrated with the chaos caused by public parades through our city centres. This is especially true when they are of a "delicate nature". In Glasgow last year we were treated to over 300 Orange Parades. That's almost one a day. Whilst I find the The Orange Order divisive in the search for an all inclusive society I reluctantly accept their right to march. And before anyone accuses me of having an agenda I am also against the Republican marches which intermitently stain our city streets, but again I accept their right to march.

Anyway...as the organisations involved believe that it is their god given right to march I propose a solution which I'm sure will be acceptable to all decent minded citizens.

The Davenelli solution...

Let them march but on our terms. Unicef currently estimates that there are around 110million landmines laid in 64 different countries around the world. Some of these countries are only a short flight away from here (Bosnia & Croatia). I say if these people want to march let's send them to march on these mine fields. This is a win/win situation. You and I will not be disrupted whilst going about our business whilst the world gets a landmine clearing solution. Simple.

I'm sure that I'll receive hate mail on this one so don't be surprised if this article is pulled.

I Don't Get It...

2006-07-23T02:36:00.000+01:00

Ok, I've tried not to get drawn into this one but fuck it. I am once again amazed at the double standards employed by our politicians.

First we had the invasion & occupation of Iraq over non-existent WMD and now we have Britain and The USA choosing to "look the other way" whilst Israel bombs the shit out of The Lebanon. Each day that passes brings more destruction, mounting civilion casualties and destablisies an already volatile area of the world. Would the situation be different if Lebanon had a wealth of oil? I think so.

In his weekly radio address President Bush stressed the importance of "confronting the terrorist group (Hezbollah) that launched the attacks and the nations that support it."

Yes we all agree that terrorism is repellent in every way, however, I fail to see how you can blame The Lebanon for the existance of Hezbollah. This would be the equivalent of Britain bombing Dublin because of the existance of The PIRA.

The latest casualty figures state that in excess of 350 Lebanese have been killed whilst Israel is down 34, of which 15 were civilians.

Thousands of people have been trying to leave southern Lebanon and the United Nations warns of a humanitarian crisis.
Its humanitarian chief is en route to Beirut, as the UN seeks to secure safe routes out for fleeing civilians.
The UN's Jan Egeland said half a million people needed assistance - and the number was likely to increase.
One-third of the recent Lebanese casualties, he said, appeared to be children. Children for fucks sake. How can this be justifed?. For President Bush to allow this to continue is shameful.

Why is Israel continually allowed to act with impunity? Throughout the troubled history of the middle east it regularly finds itself in the role of the aggressor.

Davenelli's solution...

George W. informs Israel that the significant aid package it receives from Uncle Sam is suspended until they learn to play nice with the other kids. Between 1973 & 2001 Israel received $240 billion in aid from the US.

I expect to get shot down (excuse the pun) over this post. As I am no expert in middle eastern politics I am happy to be educated, though I doubt that anyone can but up a decent argument to justify this situation.